Tag Archives: Verandah Porche


Cuppa tea?


To the band: Frigidity. Walk me out. Blurt. Chill. Keep company.

“One must have a mind of winter,” wrote Wallace Stevens splitting for the Keys of Florida. Mind Winter. Month of the Wolf Moon. Midnight scored with wind “feels like -33.” Read crucifixion. On the flank of the stove, St. Hubert prays to the stag he planned to kill till its lucky antlers sprouted a cross. You have no cross to bear, having fed its final splinters to the fire. Heat Slut, keep it tropical. Size up the kitchen chairs for sacrifice. Admit you love this slice of Siberia. Suit up in sable, felt and down. Bake potatoes for your pockets in the microwave.

Tic-tac-toe says the sleety snow. Nix logistics. Shovel in lasagna. Now, shovel-ready, choose a lubricant so drifts will slide. WD-40, Pam, Crisco, canola, chanukah candles, leaf lard? Wesson from latke party of 2003. And elbow grease. Huzzah for the blizzard. Heave high. Hi-ho. Where are the dwarfs of yesteryear: Speedy, Flaky, Doper, Munchy, Artsy, Dreamy, OCD?

Repose in motion. On snowshoes, ash and gut, you stride to the summit. Snow Sahara. Blaze of cobalt. Dunes of soft-serve. Greylock greets Monadnock. Slow plume snakes from the nuclear power plant, not dormant yet. In the valley, a log truck moans to the woodlot, With a light hand I’ve come to harvest you. In their great coats, the dogs beg and joke. Crack up. White laughter. In air the skin is fiction as tulips drop pink petals in the kitchen.

2. Seed Porn To the band: Reverie. Heady. Hands in the soil.

Sampled from Fedco, catalog of choice, quirky, gloss-free, p.c., sex-in-the-text. Repeat after me.

∑ Spice boys cinnamon basil

∑ Painted serpent cucumber

∑ Sugar buns sweet corn

∑ Fluffy ruffles poppy

∑ Kiss me over the garden gate

∑ Green meat radish

Green Meat Radish (55 days) Open-pollinated. Unique miniature daikon with striking lime flesh. grows 6–9″ long and 1–3″ thick. Exposed shoulders blush a deep green while the tip remains white. Fine-grained, crisp and sweet “distinct green apple flavor.” for cooking, pickling on homemade bread slathered with butter. O, green meat radish keep firm in my root cellar till May!

High Brow/Low brow

I keep putting this blogging off, but today, I will try to persevere  for two reasons: One, I am home sick, and need to feel more useful or risk winter depression (and with no warmer climes trip on the horizon, this is NOT a good thing) and Two, my talented friend and sometime writing partner,Verandah Porche, has offered to write the next entry after mine about the “cold.” I NEED to read this soon, so I guess my assignment is clear.

I will spin the story of the Opera, and the DFJB condoms. I am thinking I may need to start making stuff up soon, but for now, I will stick with the truth.

On the High Brow theme, is the story of going to see Tosca at the Met. My friends Jeremy and Heidi, have offered me a “taste of the great opera going experience,” and I am totally hooked. Each note takes me deeper into understanding and LOVING this great art form – the floating high Cs, the facile runs, the sets, the costumes, the melodies, the orchestra…!

It is true that I am theatre easy, and pretty happy just to simply wander that beautiful building. I love the SOUND in there (well, duh,) and I thrill to the curtain and the raising of the chandeliers even before the music starts. AH, but when the music starts, I am transported to treasures I never knew before. I am a trained singer, but a microphone diva, and I appreciate what it takes to fill that hall (sometimes even lying down while singing!)
In my short sampling, (Tosca, Carmen, La Traviatta, and Aida) it seems that the plot can be summed up as this: There is a great and wondrous love, terrible and evil complications and then, everyone dies. It is comforting to know in advance, that all will NOT end well. I mean, really we will all be leaving here eventually….. Lets sing about it.

The tale of the DFJB Band “specialty” very colorful DFJB condoms is not such High Brow Art, but a good “Low Brow” tale nonetheless. The condoms are the initial brainchild of Scotty and my very politically active daughter, Melissa. She has worked with AIDS education organizations around the world, and is well aware that a condom can save a life, and also protect women from unwanted and /or unsustainable pregnancies.

We pondered the idea. Why not print our website on a matchbook cover that acts as a case for the condom and hand them out as a promotional item? Now mind you, THIS was the answer derived from our merchandising brainstorming, “Lets give stuff away! Hell, Yeah!”

It seemed like it would be easy, but dysfunction set upon us (complications!) First,the manufacturing company could, not fit the cover design submitted by a friend who is a design pro, onto the cover.  OK , no big deal. Then the “price” on the internet was “wrong” (“must be an old site!”). Then right before the Xmas consummation of the deal (shipping) Pay pal went on the fritz in New Jersey and our payment froze. We were left with hideous visions of long, package- laden lines at the holiday Post Office. This danced in our heads as we debated the merits of certified mail and personal checks simply dropped in unknown PO boxes.  The check ultimately made its way, and cleared,  and the delivery was soooo near when not one but two blizzards hit NYC, and UPS managed to drop one digit from our house address! The box of 1000 condoms was really getting around, on the truck, back to the warehouse, on the truck…. REALLY? We waited, and not always so patiently, especially when UPS called at 7AM waking us up to say that because of the snow, perhaps there would be no delivery, but in order to find out we needed to call back (AND sit on hold) after 8:30! Happy endings ensued, and eleven days later the most handsome UPS driver in all of Brooklyn delivered the “Units” into our hot little hands.

They looked great (if such a thing can be said about a “specialty” condom.) We had debated, and joked about what should be on the matchbook cover. Our logo and website for sure, but we nixed using the photo of the band as too creepy and the “Blessed by Benedict” as too topical and obscure. Who knows for how long the Catholic Church will sanction the use of condoms. At first “Have one on us” was in contention but, then Charles thought up “Thanks For Coming ” and we hope you do …. come, to see a show. The band will strike up a lovely tune, and we’ll give you one free and SING (with a microphone, and in harmony). There may be complications (we ARE family AND musicians), but hopefully no one will die (just Yet).